Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.: October 2003

Friday, October 31, 2003

abfuckingc24r34s.swf (application/x-shockwave-flash Object)

A, B, Fucking C

Melissa sent these links to me, I guess she went looking after I posted that news story below.

eBay item 3249811889 (Ends Nov-04-03 16:21:46 PST) - VAMPIRE Killing Kit, Pre-1900, Original

eBay item 2961640885 (Ends Nov-07-03 10:26:42 PST) - 1890s Vampire Killing Kit w/ Crossbow

Oh cool! It's not a rip-off, it really is them! You know those two stupid moose from that Disney movie, Brother Bear, that's coming out? Well I'd been saying all along that they sounded like a rip off of the Bob and Doug MacKenzie characters from SCTV, played by Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas. It turns out that's because that's who is actually doing the voices of those characters.

Speaking of movies, I want to see that Cat in the Hat movie. When I first heard about it I thought it sounded stupid, but I've seen some commercials and previews for it, and it looks hilarious. It probably would suck if they hadn't gotten Mike Myers to be in it, he's great.

Dammit, there hasn't been anything good on TV since the Buffy marathon went off. This stand up comedian woman on Comedy Central looks like a lesbian. I thought it was a guy at first. That reminds me of something I heard the other day, I forget where. Whatever it was, it said that guy's only like the sexy porno "lipstick lesbians," they don't like the ugly, truck driving real lesbians.

Hey, it's Halloween, I should be listening to the Alice computer game soundtrack. That CD is great, it's full of extremely cool, creepy music. The game is pretty creepy too, almost scary. Especially the freaky little school children that have been experimented on.

God damn, I am so fucking bored that I'm going to go crazy. Oh cool, the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy Halloween special is coming on. I really like that show.

So, Happy Halloween indeed. I'm bored as hell. It's Halloween, it's a Friday night, and I'm sitting at home alone. I'm so bored that I'm actually watching King of the Hill, and I hate that show. I've just been sitting at home all day, I haven't even left the house. FX was having a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon earlier, so I spent a few hours watching that.

I've got a really bad headache now for some reason.

Last night at work wasn't too bad, in fact it was kinda fun. Last night was Halloween for Purcell, because there's a big football game tonight, so we celebrated Halloween last night. I think that's incredibly stupid, but they've done that several times before. Work wasn't as busy as it usually is on Halloween, and it's was kinda fun, since most of the employees were in costume. I didn't wear a costume, I just told people I was the disgruntled employee that's going to kill everyone. Alicia was a Fairy Princess, or something like that, and Daniel was Drew Carey. He looked exactly like him, it was funny. I don't know what Stacy was, she didn't even know for sure, she was just wearing this really cool dress. She said it was supposed to be Goth looking, but they were out of black, so she bought a red one. She looked more like some kind of princess or something. She looked good, whatever she was. Stacy's cool, except every time I work with her I always get that damn "Stacy's Mom" song stuck in my head.

I think I'm gonna go look at porn now. Hooray for porn.

Happy Halloween all you bastards and she-bastards.

Here's some Halloween related news for you.

Vampire Killing Kit Sells for $12,000

NEW YORK (AP) - Just in time for Halloween, a vampire-killing kit complete with a wooden stake and 10 silver bullets sold for $12,000 at auction Thursday.

The kit, a walnut box that also contained a crucifix, a pistol, a rosary and vessels for garlic powder and various serums, was bought by an anonymous phone bidder.

According to Sotheby's, some experts believe that such kits were commonly available to travelers in Eastern Europe in the 18th and 19th centuries, while others think the kits were made in the early 20th century, possibly to cash in on interest in vampires sparked by the 1897 publication of Bram Stoker's "Dracula."

Elaine Whitmire, head of 19th century furniture for Sotheby's, said she believes the kit was assembled in the early 20th century and sold to travelers as a souvenir.

"My opinion is this is a memento that you bought while you were in Europe," she said. "I doubt it was cheap to buy."

A label on the kit says: "This box contains the items considered necessary for persons who travel into certain little known countries of Eastern Europe where the populace are plagued with a particular manifestation of evil known as Vampires."

The vampire killing kit was part of Sotheby's sale of 19th century furniture and decorative works of art.

The auction house did not identify the seller of the kit. The price includes Sotheby's auction house's commission.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

T-Shirt Hell Tee

I really want this T-shirt.

Several interesting news stories today.


MIAMI (Reuters) - Tall people earn considerably more money throughout their lives than their shorter co-workers, with each inch adding about $789 a year in pay, according to a new study.

Full story here.


IS YOUR CAR SPYING ON YOU?
By David Coursey

TELEMATICS: A little computer in your car keeps track of how fast you drive, how well you brake, even if you wear a seat belt. Invasion of privacy? Or reasonable safety precaution? Here's what I think.

Full story here.


WTC Death Toll Drops by 40.
(Oct. 29) -- The sun inched across a cloudless sky yesterday, the breath of October rustled trees, and the number of people killed in the World Trade Center disaster dropped by 40. Just like that: 40 fewer souls to imagine rising from the dust; 40 fewer people to include in nightly prayers. Until now, the number of dead was 2,792. That number, 2,792, had stood firm for more than a year. It was the number recorded in almanacs and history books. It was the number of the names of trade center victims that children uttered at the second-anniversary ceremony, there on the lip of ground zero.

Now strike that number from your mind. Replace it with 2,752.

After what officials call an exhaustive investigation that spanned the world, the city has removed more names from the official tally. The reasons are the same as in the past: finding people once thought dead; duplication; insufficient data; fraud. In many cases, investigators could not prove a supposed victim had ever existed — a jarring concept, given that some names are embedded in the collective memory.

Remember Paul Vanvelzer and his two sons, Barrett, 4, and Edward, an infant who was once thought to be the disaster's youngest victim? It seems now that the Vanvelzers, reported missing by a California woman claiming to be a relative, may have died without ever having lived.

But what do we do with this information — this 2,752, down from 2,792? Do we grieve less? Are we happy? What does it mean?

"The question is, does it make it any less tragic?" said Jonathan Greenspun, the commissioner of the Mayor's Community Assistance Unit. "The answer is, no, it doesn't."

The change in the number is more than a mere adjustment in a dispassionate tally. It reflects the singular horror of the trade center collapse, so thorough in its destruction that the exact number of victims remains elusive more than two years later. It reflects the worst in human nature: that many people, seeing opportunity in disaster, reported fictitious deaths in hopes of collecting benefits.

But it also reflects the best, city officials say, as personified by investigators so intent on determining the true and sacred number of the dead that they properly took their time, even if it meant that a few fraudulent names, or the names of the living, were sprinkled among those of the many dead. Better that, they reasoned, than to exclude the name of one true victim.

More than a few of these 40 cases centered on missing persons' reports filed by people who lived overseas. Bryan X. Grimaldi, the general counsel for the New York City Commission for the United Nations, offered an example of the nettlesome problems faced by investigators: a woman in Nigeria does not hear from her son in the United States for five years; she learns of the Sept. 11 attacks and reports him missing; then investigators cannot find the woman.

"What do you do?" Mr. Grimaldi asked. "What do you do with the name?"

Perhaps in another case, in another tragedy, the matter would have been dropped. But in the case of Sept. 11, Mr. Grimaldi said, "we have really exhausted all efforts, and by extraordinary means."

"We took it as far as we could go," he added.

The mission to specify the number of victims has been a necessary one: partly for history, partly for the distribution of death benefits — and partly to satisfy a communal desire for a number whose exactness might bring some comprehension to the incomprehensible. But that number, and whatever finality it would bring, has been elusive.

In the first days after the terrorist attack, the city estimated that more than 6,300 people had been killed. That number quickly dropped, sometimes by the hundreds, as officials winnowed out duplications and false reports. In acknowledgment of the matter's importance, the city created a task force called the Reported Missing Committee, which included representatives from several city agencies, including the Police Department, the medical examiner's office and the city's Commission for the United Nations.

All the while, the intense emotion attached to numbers was palpable. Chief Charles V. Campisi, head of the Police Department's Internal Affairs Bureau, once predicted, "I think it will be less than 5,000, but only by the grace of God." And Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani once dismissed efforts by reporters to determine an exact number as a "macabre" endeavor.

The number kept dropping — to about 4,500, and then to about 3,900. Along the way the Sept. 11 attacks lost the awful distinction of being the deadliest day in American history. That was reserved for the Battle of Antietam, at which at least 3,650 Civil War soldiers were killed and thousands more wounded on a single day.

Down to 3,300, and then, by the first anniversary, to 2,801. Soon the number dropped again, to 2,792, where it remained until this week.

The city will retain its records on the 40 names dropped from the list, just in case new evidence develops. But with only three more open cases, officials think that they are close to determining a final number of trade center dead — somewhere, it seems, between 2,749 and 2,752.

How should that make us feel? The fewer the better, perhaps; the fewer the better.

Monday, October 27, 2003

I just got back from seeing Kill Bill. It was great! Absolutely fucking incredible. And all the Japanese women... drool. About half the movie was even in Japanese with subtitles. The movie was extremely bloody and gory, but not in a disgusting way. It was actually funny, nearly everyone in the theater was laughing at it. It's funny because the whole movie's style is kind of a parody of those old Kung-Fu movies from the 70s, so everytime someone gets stabbed or gets a head or arm cut off, there's a huge fountain of blood that sprays ten feet into the air for like 30 seconds. The music was really great too. I tried to find a copy of the soundtrack tonight, but none of the stores I went to had it, maybe it's not out yet. The movie was so great, I may go see it again sometime soon. I will also buy it as soon as it comes out on DVD.

I got a letter from Congressman Tom Cole today, which I think perfectly illustrates how stupid most politicians are. It says "Thank you for letting me know of your opposition to H.R. 3289, the emergency wartime supplemental appropriations act... You will be pleased to know that I voted in favor of this bill."

And now some links:

The Bud Light Institute Store Finally, greeting cards for guys. Hilarious.

Extreme Pumpkins Click on "Contest Winners" and "Photo Gallery" to see pictures of some really cool jack o' lanterns.

This game is really addictive, when I first found it I played it for about an hour.

I'm gonna go watch tv now, or something.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

This episode of The Brak Show is one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. It's hilarious. Dude, that was fucked up.

And speaking of fucked up, here's some links! All poop related!

Poop Report - Your source for poop A very funny site. Come join the conversation.

Sphincterine

The Ass Wipes Network The source for all your ass wiping needs.

Friday, October 24, 2003

NEWS.com.au | One-way beer goggles (October 21, 2003)

NEWS.com.au | One-way beer goggles (October 21, 2003) While men may think ugly women are more attractive after consuming several beers, alcohol has no effect on the way women perceive men.

This weather we've been having lately makes me angry. It's the end of October and the average temperature is still in the 80s. The last few days it's been in the 90s. It's been dry too, there's hardly been any rain this month, they were saying on the news yesterday that this October has had records highs, and has almost set new records for such a low amount of rain. I hate it. I like the cold, and I like the rain. Luckily, this is supposed to be the last warm day for about a week. There's a front coming through late tonight, and the next week or so the temperatures are supposed to be in the 50s and 60s, and there's a chance of rain a couple of the days. I don't know if it's supposed to warm back up afterwards, or if maybe now it's gonna finally start being cold weather for the rest of the year.

Other good news: Tomorrow is "fall back," when we set the clocks back an hour, and get and extra hour of sleep, or, as is more often the case with me, an extra hour of staying up late. I like fall back, I hate spring forward.

Stupid news: Our town is celebrating Halloween on Thursday the 30th, instead of actual Halloween, meaning all the trick or treating and stuff is to be done the 30th. They've done this a couple of times before, I think it's really stupid. This year they are doing it because the big Purcell vs. Lexington rivalry football game is on the 31st this year. I already requested the 31st off, but it doesn't matter to me, because I don't have any Halloween plans, and I certainly wasn't going trick or treating. I just requested it off because I didn't want to work that night because I like watching all the Halloween TV specials, and because it's going to be really busy that night. This is good news for the people that do have to work that night, because maybe now it won't be quite as outrageously busy. We figured it would be busy because of people out going to the game, and because it's Friday, and it's always busy Fridays because of a stupid burger sale we have on Fridays, and also because it's always busy on Halloween when all the kids and people are out. This means it will probably be busy Thursday night though, but I might get lucky and not have to work that night either, since I'm usually off on Thursdays.

Wow, this is the longest post I've written in a long time. Also, my hit counter looks like it will hit the 4000 mark today. That's pretty good, 4000 hits in only a year and one month. Especially when you consider how long it took me to hit the 1000 mark.

I'm listening to the Dirty Vegas CD. I love this "Days Go By" song, even though it's a slightly different mix from the one they played on the radio and TV. It's much longer, over 7 minutes long. The rest of the album is pretty cool too. It really brings back memories, it sounds like electronic music used to sound, back in the early 90s. In fact, it sounds a lot like Daft Punk's first album, which was the first electronic/techno/dance album I ever bought.

You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That's pulling at my skin

You leave me when I'm at my worst
Like a feeling as if I've been cursed
From the bitter cold within

Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Without you

Thursday, October 23, 2003

No movie with Alicia tonight. And probably never again. Oh well.

I bought some stuff today. I finally got around to buying the Dirty Vegas CD. It's pretty cool so far, I haven't listened to all of it yet. I also bought the Lion King Special Edition DVD, and the Encino Man DVD. The latter was only $5.88 at Wal-Mart.

I almost bought a video game that was only $19.99 at Hastings, but in the end I didn't because it didn't look like it was probably all that great. It was an MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch fighting game. I mainly wanted it so I could play as Marilyn Manson.

While I was out today, I decided to go ahead and see Kill Bill but I had no idea what the showtimes were. I went to the theater to check, and the next time wasn't until 7:15, and it was only a little after 5:00, so I didn't see it after all. I'll probably go see it Monday.

I can't believe it's this late already, this day has been really short.


Thank god for anti-depressants.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

It looks like I'm going to be back on my normal schedule this week, off Thursday and Monday again. Now maybe me and Alicia can go back to our Thursday night is movie night plan.

Still not much to write about lately, so here's some links.

Blogstop A blog which is also a game.

eBay Walter the Farting Dog, a wonderful children's book.

Polluted Petfood What's really in that petfood?

So You've Decided to be Evil A step by step guide to joining the forces of darkness.

What happens after death?

Poopreport.com Your source for poop.

War-Line: The war against Rape This is stupid.

WWYS: We Want Your Soul What's your soul worth?

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Hooray for boredom! Boredom rules! Maybe if I'm all happy about it, I wont be bored anymore!

And Alicia still doesn't want to talk.

I've been tired all day today. I don't know why, maybe it's the Zoloft again.

Dammit, no. I don't want to accept an Instant Message from JuicyJenny. In the time it's taken me to write these few sentences, I've gotten 5 porn IMs. They've been really bad the last few days.

This morning I spent an hour or so reading random pages of my archives. Most of it's pretty boring, but there are a few good memories and fun times in there. Like last New Year's Eve when I went over to Daniel's house, and me, Alicia, Daniel and Olivia all got drunk and watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show. And I got so drunk, I just sat on the loveseat for a couple of hours in a semi-unconcious state mumbling, and everyone thought I was asleep and talking in my sleep. Alicia almost giving me a New Year's kiss. And me sleeping on the loveseat all night, and drooling on Alicia's pillow she let me use. Good times.

Hmmm, most of my archives are depressing and embarrassing though.

I'm going to bed now, it's after 2 AM.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Today was pretty boring. I didn't even leave the house. I mainly just played video games and watched tv all day. Alicia got online, but she's not feeling well again, and didn't feel like talking much, so I stayed bored. My posts have been pretty short lately. My page is three or four times shorter than it usually is.

This
Will
Increase
The
Page's
Length
And
Make
It
Appear
Longer.

And no, I didn't mean for that to sound dirty.

Perverts.

I'm tired, I'm going to bed soon. I've been about to fall asleep since about 5:00.

Eww, I just belched, and it tasted like the nasty grape soda I drank about 7 hours ago.

Even though I was bored, I was in a really good mood today.

Wow, even with my attempts to lengthen the post, it's still not very long.

Shut up.

Oh man, I had fun last night. Me and Alicia went to see School of Rock. The movie was great, absolutely hilarious, it was even better than I expected. We saw Megan and Shawn there too, and they sat with us. After the movie, me and Alicia went to Denny's to eat. Alicia kept dancing in the car. It made us both think of that cool car commercial with that "Days go By" song by Dirty Vegas. It was fun.

I'm off today too. Don't know what I'll do today. Probably stay home and play Budokai all day.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

This is hilarious. From Rebecca's Blog.

Tim and Greta were true lovers. Soulmates, even. They spent hours in bed together curled up into a ball of heat and love, shifting and moving as if they were one. Tim would spend hours licking Greta in her favorite erogenous zones and soothing down her nappy brown hair with such tenderness. Greta often stroked Tim until he reached the point of release and then stop, because she was a big tease. Tim was a masochist so he didn't mind. Sometimes he would go for runs that lasted hours and collapse into Greta's arms exhausted and she would kiss his sweaty forehead until he fell asleep.

After one orgiastic and lustful love making session in the wee hours of the morning, Greta found herself pregnant. Damn, she thought, as the changes began inside her body, cursing out Tim for not using protection or pulling out like they had planned. Several months later Greta gave birth to seven babies, all pink and lovely and perfect. And then she ate them all, one by one. Tim watched with disgust and wrinkled up his fuzzy face and wished that this glass wall would crumble away so he could be a free Guinea pig once and for all, for his love for Greta was dashed forever.

Friday, October 17, 2003

Looks like I have another fan maybe.

I haven't been writing much lately, mainly because nothing has been happening really. I was sick, and didn't feel much like writing, but I didn't really have anything to write about anyway. I've just been going to work and then coming home and watching tv or playing Dragonball Z: Budokai. That's pretty much it really. I haven't been out much lately. I'm tired. I've been sleeping a lot lately. I don't really know why.

The old Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie just went off, I watched about the last half of it. I'd never seen it before. It was horrible, but also really funny.

Ugh, I'm bored.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Well, I was right. I had to work tonight, and Monday. This week I'm off Saturday and Sunday. That's kinda cool I guess, I haven't had a Saturday off in a long time. Not that I really care if I have Saturdays off or not. Me and Alicia are probably gonna go to the movies one of those nights I'm off. I don't know what we're gonna see though. I've been wanting to see that Kill Bill.

The last two nights at work have been pretty busy. Tomorrow night will probably be even busier, since it's Friday. I work a lot of hours this week, I go in at 2:00 every day but one. It sucks.

Well, that's really all I've got to say tonight.

japanesesgoillslayer.gif (GIF Image, 160x120 pixels)

japanesesgoillslayer.gif (GIF Image, 160x120 pixels)

Ummm... I don't know what to say about this. Just check it out.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Ugh, I have to work with the Crystal bitch tonight. At least she gets off at nine, meaning I will only have to put up with her for five hours. Also good, we close half an hour early, at ten, tonight. Some people are coming to clean the exhaust vents over the cookers tonight. They do that about every six months or so.

Looks like me and Alicia are going to have to find a new movie night. I won't know what my schedule is until tonight, but they said yesterday that I'm probably going to have to start working Thursdays and Mondays, which have been being my days off. They fired Jennifer, thank god, but that leaves us with only three people, counting me, to work the two front line positions all week. And I think they said that out of the other two people, one of them can't work Thursdays, and the other can't work on Mondays, or something like that, so I have to work those nights.

Man, it is so hot in here. Or it is to me. Ever since I started taking Zoloft I'm always hot. No matter what the temperature is, I'm sweating. It was 68 degrees in my house yesterday, and I was so hot I could barely breathe.

Monday, October 13, 2003

I went to Best Buy today, because they have several really good deals in their ad this week. I got 2 DVDs and 2 video games for only $65. They have a selection of about 10 DVDs from which you can get 2 for $20. I got Full Metal Jacket, and A Clockwork Orange. I've been wanting to get Full Metal Jacket for a while now, and though I already have A Clockwork Orange on VHS, I've been thinking of getting it on DVD, just because I hate watching tapes, and my VCR barely works because it's about 20 years old. I also bought Dragonball Z: Budokai for the PS2, which I've been wanting ever since it came out. They had it on sale for $19.99. The other game I bought was Inuyasha for the PS1. I bought it as a late birthday present for my sister, she's been begging for that game ever since it came out a month or two ago.

Cool, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is on TV. I love that movie, but I don't feel like watching it right now.

I'm feeling much better today. Still a little congested, but that's it. But now Alicia's sick. Again. She was just sick a week or so ago. She stayed home from school today she was so sick. I hope she gets better soon, and NOT just because I want to go to the movies Thursday.

I'm gonna go watch a movie or something now.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

I'm still sick. I was supposed to work tonight, but I called in sick. I got some new medicine today, and it seems to be helping though. I feel a lot better already. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow.

Alicia drew me another picture at work the other day. This one shows a little kid in a devil costume, or maybe it's supposed to actually be the devil, but I assume it's a child, and he's holding out a bag and saying "Twick or motherfucking tweat!" It's funny. She said it was supposed to make me not sick anymore, but it didn't work. I still like it though. I like it when she draws me pictures. Used to I would sometimes write little stories for her at work. We'd just stand there all night drawing weird pictures and stories and stuff, it was fun. We don't work together anymore though. She works days now, and I work nights, so I only get to see her for a little while when I first come in, if she hasn't gone home already. I'm glad we go to the movies every week now, I like being around Alicia, she's fun. I hope nothing comes up this week and we don't get to go, like last week.

I don't have much else to write about now. I'm starting to get tired too, must be the medicine. So here's some links.

Here's a really cool game. It's kinda like Myst or something. You can click on things, and they do different things, and you have to figure out what to do. It's really well done, and has some really beautiful visuals. A hint: On the first screen, click the little pipe/tower thing at the top to get started.

Doodie.com These are some of the weirdest flash animations I've ever seen. They're all really short cartoons about poop. Very demented.

80's Tees This is a cool site. As the name implies, they sell t-shirts with stuff from the 80's on them.

World War Bush Some anti-Bush rants. Pretty funny.

Friday, October 10, 2003

How much does this suck? Alicia's friend never showed up yesterday, she found out at the last minute she wasn't going to be able to, so me and Alicia could have went to the movies after all. Actually, I was so sick last night I couldn't have went anyway, but it's still annoying. I'm still sick today, in fact I'm worse. My throat still doesn't hurt or anything, but I'm still congested, and now today I'm coughing a lot, I hadn't been coughing at all.

Ugh, I just realized that not only am I sick, but that this is also Friday, the busiest night of the week. That sucks.

Freaky Facts about Coca-Cola This is really weird, it's hard to belieive this. And we drink this stuff.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Wow, 9:30 already. What a wasted day. I felt so bad I didn't feel like doing anything. I wanted to get out of the house today. I also wanted to play Grand Theft Auto. I felt so bad I didn't do either today. I've just sat here at the computer feeling miserable all day. I'm finally starting to feel better now though, now that the day's almost over. I'm still stuffy, but at least my head doesn't feel like it's going to explode anymore. And my throat doesn't hurt at all now, it's just a little scratchy sometimes.

The phone company fixed our little problem today. It was the house next door that had the line. No one knows how it got there though.

Mmmm, Fig Newtons. Too bad I'm so congested I can't really taste them.

Here's some links I've found today:

Freaky State Sex Laws Some of the weird rules places have passed concerning sex. For example: When traveling, if you decide to stop overnight in Hastings, Nebraska, be aware of this loony sex law: The owner of every hotel is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No male and female--even if they are married--may sleep together in the nude. Nor may any sexual activity be undertaken except while the couple is attired in one of these plain white cotton nightshirts.

Also, when you get done reading the freaky sex laws, scroll down to the bottom of the page to see all the links to other "Freaky Facts" pages. They are even better than the freaky laws. For example: 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan, there was never a recorded Wendy before.

Celery has negative calories. It take mores calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

In Gulliver's Travels, Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 100 years before either moon was discovered.

Age of Consent How old is old enough? This site gives the legal age of consent for every state and country. Also has information on other sex laws you should know.

Well, I'm gonna go be bored some more.

Well, I guess it's a good thing that Alicia isn't able to go to the movies tonight, because I don't think I would be able to go. I feel like shit right now. My throat isn't sore any more today, but I'm congested and I can barely stay awake and I've got a headache, and maybe a fever, because I'm freezing right now.

Coke sign goes interactive
Huge new London billboard reacts to the weather and onlookers on the ground. Text messaging is next.

September 30, 2003: 9:50 AM EDT

LONDON Reuters) - Coca-Cola unveiled one of the world's biggest and most sophisticated billboards Tuesday -- a 99-foot-wide neon colossus that can respond to the weather and interact with people looking at it from the ground.

The billboard was switched on in Piccadilly Circus in the heart of London at dawn Tuesday, lighting up with the message "Hello London" in the company's trademark red and white.

It's the biggest billboard in Britain and the widest in the world, beating even the monster Coca-Cola sign that reigns over Tokyo's Ginza shopping district, and is three times bigger than the previous Coke sign on the same site.

"This is an intelligent sign, with state-of-the-art computer technology, built-in cameras and an on-board heat sensitive weather station," Coca-Cola Co. said.

The sign can respond to weather and movement.

"When it's raining, big drops will appear on the screen and when it's breezy, the Coke sign can ripple as if it's being blown by the wind," a Coke spokeswoman said.

It also will be able to recognize if people are waving at it from the ground below and, eventually, will be able to respond to text messages from mobile phones, she said.

Coca-Cola has had a billboard at Piccadilly Circus, the advertising heart of London, since 1954.

The lights in the circus have been switched off only five times since then, including in 1974 when a miners' strike triggered electricity shortages and in 1997 for the funeral of Princess Diana.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

My phone line is still messing up, but we've figured out the problem, and hopefully we'll get it fixed tomorrow.

It did this same thing about a year ago, but we never figured out the problem. I get online, but then I get booted, and then when I try to sign back on, there's already computer modem noises on the line even before my computer dials. So, teh last time this happened, I found out that if I unplugged the line from my computer, and plugged it into the phone, I could hit the disconnect button on the phone over and over until it hung up and went back to a dial tone. But then I'd usually get booted again as soon as I got back on. Then I found that sometimes, while I was messing with the phone, I'd hear a phone dial and then modem connection noises, even though the line wasn't hooked to my computer. But tonight, something new happened. One of the times when i picked up the phone, I could hear someone else talking, and dialing. I listened in several times, and then one of the times they called someone, and asked the person what number their caller ID said they were calling from, and the person told them that it said they were calling from Larry Underwood's house, which is my father's name, and it was giving our number and everything. I should mention too, that this phone line isn't our main line, it's just a second phone line we use for my computer only. The people were talking about how their phone was messing up, and wondering who Larry Underwood was, and said they were going to call the phone company tomorrow. Finally, I spoke up, and told them that I was at Larry Underwood's house, and told them what had been happening. They told me that they had just moved into this house, and that is was only supposed to have one phone line, but in the back room there was this black phone connected to a different line, but they had no idea what it's number or anything was, but they'd been using it anyway, as a phone line for their computer, which explains the dialing and modem noises I'd been hearing. So, for some reason, these people have a second phone in their house which is on our line, with our phone number, and whenever they use it, it says it's us. So tomorrow we're both going to call the phone company, and hopefully get this sorted out. They said they just moved in, but apparently the people who lived there before were doing the same thing, because this same stuff happened almost exactly a year ago. I just wonder how our phone line got in this other house.

Weird stuff.

HORRIBLE NEWS! No movies tomorrow! Alicia can't go! I'm sad.

For some reason my Zoloft hasn't been doing anything the last two days. Yesterday and today it had no effects at all, good or bad. I'm getting sick now too. I've had a sore throat the last two days. It's really sore today, it kept waking me up this morning it hurt so bad. And now I'm getting all congested and stuffy too.

I'm tired tonight, I'll probably go to bed early.

Well, Arnold Schwartzenegger, or however the fuck it's spelled, is governor of California. I'm still not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

On a completely unrelated note, check this out, it's funny as hell. Icon Sex in the AOL Style.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Tonight at work I got bored, so I wrote a portion of a story. A few minutes ago me and Alicia were talking in an Instant Message, and I told her the story. I didn't finish the story when I wrote it, so she finished it. Here is the completed story.

Kevin:
One day Timmy was just sitting around when he heard a loud noise coming from the back yard. He ran outside to see what was happening, and found that his puppy had exploded. Timmy didn't care much, as he had always hated that puppy anyway. But still, he was curious as to why it had exploded. Looking around, he found a portal to the netherworld, so he stepped through it...

Alicia:
Lo and behold, the Timmy was transported to a magical ass factory, distributing all the fat to Jennifer Lopez's butt. Once Timmy had slipped in the lard several times, he decided that enough was enough, and he tried to find the portal to the other world. He couldn't find anything but fat and dead puppies. Dead puppies? What was that all about? Fatty McGee laughed evilly. "You can NEVER ESCAPE JENNIFER LOPEZ!!" Timmy screamed like a girl. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I will never obey the JLO LAW!" Then Fatty McGee shot him with a lard-o-ray, which caused him to gain many pounds, and he screamed again. "NOO! NOW I WILL NEVER ACHIEVE WORLD DOMINATION, OR FIND OUT WHY MY PUPPY EXPLODED!!" Fatty McGee cackled maniacally. "I did it! I killed your puppy! Just because..." he broke into a Whitney Houston's version of 'I will always love you'. Then Timmy's head exploded. The end.

Here's something I wrote once, I just found it, I had forgotten about it. It's pretty cool. I never finished it. It was going to be some sort of long philosophical treatise in the form of a story. I don't really remember where I was going to go with it next.

“Say something, you bastard!” she yelled. “Say something you insufferable bastard! Why won’t you say something, damn it?”
Little did she know, she was the only person in the story.
“Huh? What do you mean? There’s Jim. Hey, wait. Where’d he go? What did you do with Jim, damn it?”
Calm down. There never was any Jim. Those are simply the memories of the character you are playing in this story. You have memories of the experiences of a whole life you never led. In reality, this story, and, in fact, you, only came into existance about two minutes ago. Nothing you remember ever actually happened, unless I write a flashback scene in which it does happen.
“But...”
Shhh...I know what you are going to say, before you even say it, because I am the one writing your dialouge. You say what I make you say, and do what I make you do. Don’t beleive me? Watch this.
“Duh,” she said, and stuck her finger up her nose.
And tell me, what is your name? You see, you don’t even have a name, because I have not given you one yet. I have referred to you simply as she. I will now give you a name. Your name is Sally. A new flood of memories has just entered your head. Memories involving your new name. Such as the time you looked up your name to see what it meant. All the times your lover said your name. He never existed either, until just now. And now, if I wanted, I could go back and change your name, and all your memories would change too.
“But I am Sally!” she protested. “I remember it, I know it!”
You know it because I wrote it. Who are you talking to anyway? I have never given myself a body, I have not put myself in your story. I am simply a voice. A voice in your head, a voice from the heavens. The voice of your creator, the voice of your God. And look around you, what do you see? Nothing. I have not described the location yet, or even have one in mind. You are simply standing in a void. Black words on a white page. Let’s change that, shall we?

Sally was a young girl. She would proudly tell you that she had just turned ten. Sally liked doing all kinds of things, playing with puppies and dolls, and watching cartoons on tv. She also liked to read, and liked to think of herself as a smart girl. But now, as she sat at her desk in class, she was learning that she in fact knew nothing. The classroom was an average classroom, desks for the students, and the teacher’s big desk at the front of the class. There were a few educational posters on the walls and a big, green chalkboard at the front. Standing between the desk and the chalkboard stood the teacher. A man who appeared to be in his 50s with gray hair and wearing a tweed suit.
“There,” he said. “I have given you a location. I have also written myself into the story at last, giving you something to focus upon. I have also changed everything about you. Your age, your appearance, and even your personality. Actually I didn’t change your personality much, you never had one to begin with, I had not developed your personality much. I never specified any appearance or age either, all anyone had to go on for age was the way you acted and talked, but you seemed to be an adult.”
“I am an adult!” Sally exclaimed. “Or, I thought I was...”
“Now you’re starting to get the point,” the teacher said. “Now, let’s begin your education in earnest, shall we?"

This is funny:

MARRIAGE TEST
Reply to: --------------@craigslist.org
Date: 2003-10-06, 2:36PM


I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me thatsoon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it, just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is: always keep your condoms in your car.

Happy Birthday to Melissa! YAY!

Monday, October 06, 2003

I've been having trouble getting and staying online tonight. The Zoloft was working good today, I even went to the mall and some other places today, and didn't get nervous or anything. But then tonight I got upset, and that caused the Zoloft to quit working, and I've felt bad ever since. The reason I'm upset is because people are mad at Alicia, and it's my fault, and so she probably hates me now. I mentioned to Daniel that Alicia thought the party sucked and now Daniel and Olivia are all mad at her. It sucks.

Now it's time for another installment of "What I bought today." I went to Hot Topic today and bought an air freshener that says "Worst Smell Ever," on it, and also a Hamtaro Pez dispenser. Well, it's not really a Pez dispenser, but it's basically the same thing. It dispenses those little Smarties candies instead of Pez, which is cool, because Pez sucks. Then I went to the comic book store and bought the latest issue of Lenore and a pack of Garbage Pail Kids cards. Yes, the Garbage Pail Kids are back. They're pretty funny, I only saw a couple of them back when I was a kid and they were popular.

RatherGood.com This site is hilarious, it's got dozens of funny flash animations. Some of them were so funny I got light-headed laughing. Especially good are the Blode cartoons. They've got really cool music too, especially the first one, I keep watching it over and over just to hear the awesome music.

I'm gonna go explode now.

Wow, great day today! The Zoloft didn't have any bad side effects today, and it was actually working today. I felt great tonight! Really happy and good. Daniel said he could tell that it must be working because I was actually smiling when I was talking, and that he'd hardly ever seen me smile except when I was drunk. It also made me hyper today.

Well, that's really all I have to say today.

This is almost as weird as that "Redeyes" story. This is written by the same guy, from die puny humans.

I Had To Kill The Pig

I had to kill the pig.

It was a GM Vietnamese potbellied pig that some freak had meatfitted with a voicebox and the frontal lobe of a grown-up crack baby.

It scuttled across the carpet on fat little legs, firing hideous acidic turds out of its fortified arse like it was Satan's vending machine. I loaded the harpoon gun I'd borrowed from Sunil. There are a few parts of the world where you can legally hunt humans who have gone aquatic, and Sunil owed sexual favours to all of them. The pig turned, rasping "Fuckpig! Fuckpig! Fuckpig!" I'd not yet worked out whether he was talking to me or telling me his name, but it seemed to be the only word he knew. I'd been listening to it for two weeks. Two. Weeks.

The harpoon locked down into the receiver chamber, and the air compressor hissed, charging the gun.

I hefted the gun and took aim as the bastard dropped another shit on the carpet, burning another hole in it. "This is it, you disgusting fucking object. Melissa left me with a disease so unusual and horrible it does not have a name, a weird Japanese doll that sucks out its own urine, and you. I've had my urethra irradiated, I listened to the doll scream as I shoved it into a wood chipper, and now there's only you left. The pet pig."

"Fuckpig!"

The compressor stopped hissing. The gun's chip crooned to me, for no good reason, in the synthesised voice of Peter O'Toole: "You may kill things now, young man." I threw the receiver lock to open the barrel and fired at the pig's smoking anus.

Of course I bloody missed.

The pig hurled itself to one side like it was an action movie hero, rolling and coming up poised and ready on its foul black trotters. The harpoon thudded into one of my speakers. I fumbled another one into the chamber and slammed down the receiver lock, hoping there was enough push left in the compressor for another shot at the little crapmachine. I waved the harpoon gun at it. You couldn't see its eyes; they were dark wet slits surrounded by great folds and swells of warty pigflab. But you knew it was scheming. I edged between it and the clear run through my long thin apartment to the front door. I had it pinned here in the back bedroom. Nowhere to run.

It feinted to my left like Ali, with a rasped "Fuckpig!" I pretended to follow the feint, and then snapped the gun back as it launched itself for the opening it expected between my right and the doorjamb.

It realised I had it and pissed itself in mid-air, an evil green sprinkler. Twisted its immense gut around to carom off the wall. I kept a bead on it as it bounced off my bed - realised too late that it was aimed for the window.

Fuckpig! and it hurled itself through the window. I ran to the sill, trying to keep my hands away from all the broken glass. The pig had launched itself with some force, I gave it that. There was a chance it could reach the shopfront awning on the other side of my narrow market street. The odds were better that it'd miss and splatter. But I don't like gambling, really, and this was a personal thing.

I put a harpoon through the bastard pig from arsehole to breakfast-time, skewering it in mid-air.

It dropped down into the market, landing on a fruit stand. Its guts let go and the awful flow dissolved all the apples. There was a storm of swearing in Croatian, and then the retching started.

And, you know, this is as good as the next month or so got.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Last night at work was really boring. It was so slow I actually sat down. That's probably only the second time I've ever sat down in my 7 years working there. Even when everyone else is sitting around in the lobby I still at least stand. We figured we'd be busy last night because of all the football games and everything around. But instead we were slow, because everyone was watching the games or something.

There was a party last night at Daniel's. I had forgotten about it until I had been at work a while. I didn't get to go to it, because I had to work. But the way I felt last night I couldn't have gone if I had wanted to. The Zoloft was starting to have some side effects last night. By the time I got to work yesterday I was so sleepy I could hardly keep my eyes open, I kept almost falling asleep while walking around. That finally went away around 8:00 or so, but I still didn't feel very good. Also at the end of the night my face suddenly got red and felt like it was burning up. I don't know if that was the Zoloft though. I think I'm coming down with something too. I woudn't be surprised, everyone else has been sick lately. It's not even cold weather yet really, and everyone's already getting colds. To top it all off, my eyes have been bothering me the last couple of weeks, but they've been even worse the last few days, so I constantly have a really bad headache. The last few days have been miserable.

How ironic is that though? I get Zoloft so maybe I can have a social life, but then the side effects keep me from having a social life. That's the story of my life. But from what Alicia says, I'm glad I didn't get to go to the party. She said it sucked and everyone was acting really stupid. Pretty much everyone there was smoking pot too. She said everyone was acting so stupid she's never going to drink or smoke again, so she wont act as stupid as they were. She left after about an hour. Daniel's parties always suck anyway. I probably wouldn't have gone even if I had been able.

Well, I've gotta get ready for work.

Friday, October 03, 2003

Tonight turned out to be busier than I ever imagined it would be. It was so busy I didn't get to train Sarah at all. We had more orders by 9:00 than we usually have the entire night. It was one of the busiest nights we've had in a few years. They still sent me home early and put Sarah in drive-thru once it slowed down a little. It was about 9:30 when I got home.

Stripping as a form of aerobic exercise is becoming very popular. In fact, Carmen Electra has a video coming out where she teaches stripping and lap dancing as exercise. She was talking about this on the Conan O'Brian show. And like he said, a lot of guys will be buying this video too, but just to see Carmen Electra stripping. I know I will.

Today at work Alicia drew a Giraffe, in the same style as the Hamster. It's almost as cute as the Hamster, my sister loved it. Alicia calls it "The Amputee Giraffe of Doom." I'll put it online sometime soon.

Hermione Granger
You are a Hermione at heart! You are obviously
smart and sophisticated...but you tend to get a
little annoying at times. I would put down the
books for a little while and get out more!


!!! The Ultimate Harry Potter Character Quiz !!!
brought to you by Quizilla

Dammit! My Mozilla browser keeps messing up lately, and shutting down when I'm in the middle of writing a post, and then I have to write it over again! For some reason it only does it when I am also looking at links on Dave Barry's site, in order to put some of the best ones here. That's where I've been getting most of my links lately, all the bizzare news stories and stuff. Well, anyway, time to rewrite the post. I'm barely gonna have time now before I have to get ready for work. I don't think I'll put the links up, I don't feel like doing all that again.

Zoloft Day Two: Woof. It's probably just a placebo effect or something, but I started feeling good just a few hours after taking my first pill yesterday. I still feel good today.

The prison called this morning. They're not hiring me this time either. Fuckers. Maybe Best Buy will hire me. Alicia applied there the other day too. That would be cool if we both got hired there, that would be kinda weird. We both leave Carl's for Best Buy.

Matchstick Men was cool. It was better than I figured it would be. It looked like it would be cool, but I didn't figure it would be that great, just good. But it was really cool. There's a big twist at the end, but that's all I'm gonna say.

Hooray for Alicia. I love going to the movies with Alicia. Alicia rocks.

I have to work tonight. I hate Fridays, they're always really busy. Unless it's really busy, though, I wont have much to do tonight, because I'm training Sarah in drive-thru. That means that all I have to do is tell her what to do, and then stand around and make sure she does it right. But it will likely be really busy tonight, so I'll probably have to do some work tonight anyway. But since I'm kind of an extra person tonight, if it's not extremely busy I'll probably get sent home early after all the drive-thru stuff is done.

Well, that's all I have to write about today.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

I went to the doctor this morning, and he gave me a prescription for Zoloft. I took my first pill a few hours ago. I wonder how many days it will take before it starts doing anything? He said it wouldn't do anything right away, but didn't give any estimates as to how long it would take. Zoloft is expensive, thirty pills cost $71.89, and that was at the cheapest place. We called several pharmacies, and the others all charged at least $75, one said it would be $80-something.

I got back from my job interview about an hour ago. I think it went better than last time, but I still doubt I'll get the job, just because I have no experience with fights, or dealing with angry or violent people, which is the main stuff they ask you about in the interview. I hope I get the job. Not that I really want to be a prison guard. I don't. But it pays really well, and I hope I get it so I can move out and get my own place.

God damn. Alicia sent me a link to a story the other day, and it took me almost 4 hours to read it, I just finished it before going to my job interview. I didn't think it was ever going to end. But it was so cool I couldn't stop reading it. It was a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan fiction. And it was actually really cool, and readable. Nearly every fanfic of any kind I've ever seen was written by immature, horny, almost completely illiterate, teenagers. They're usually jaw-droppingly bad, but often the spelling, grammar, and typing are so bad that usually you can't even tell what they're trying to say, so you don't realise how bad the plot is.

Hooray for Thursdays! Thursdays are now my favorite days, because those are the days me and Alicia get together, and go to the movies. I'm picking her up at 6:30 and we're going to go see Matchstick Men. Then we're going to drive around putting babies on spikes.

I really like Eddie Izzard.

More later tonight, probably.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Ummmm... OK. This is one of the weirdest things I've ever read, and I've read some pretty weird things. From die puny humans:

Redeyes
She used to have eyes I could lose myself in, and then she had them replaced with laser pointers. Little red dots jumping up and down on the bedroom wall as I took her from behind. I could live with that until she had the animal voice import. The cheetah purring was okay, but the dingo noises just killed the mood. The combination of the red eyes and the gorilla sounds when she jerked off was horrible. A few weeks later, things were moving down there that shouldn't have. Don't be scared, she said, as stuff pumped like organ stops under her skin. Something extended itself and waved at me.

I threw up between her legs and she didn't talk to me for a week. Which I suppose you can't really blame her for, but still.

I knew it was over when she cut her legs off.

Had them hacked off at the knee and came home with a suitcase full of modular replacements. The stumps had little Firewire ports that plugged into the new lower leg units. She fitted what she called her Sex Legs and flexed artificial toes, feet fixed in a perfect arch to accommodate the welded-on six-inch heels. Apparently there were Segway gyroscopes in the calves to keep her upright when she walked.

I came home one night to find her in a red latex minidress and sixteen legs. Spider things were sprouted from her knees, eight legs each. She paraded on the plastic kitchen floor for me, swinging her hips. Clackclackclackclack on the floor. Clackclackclackclack.

She stuck her tongue out at me when I started retching. There was what looked like a DC power inlet on the tip.

After that, it just got ugly. I had to go. I saw her again a couple of weeks ago. She introduced her new boyfriend as Spin. His skin was cold and shiny, like white plastic coating over steel. He had a revolving drum in his stomach. She leant against him and grinned.

I'm living in my car now. My car loves me. I mean, it wouldn't have grown a real vagina for me otherwise, would it?


Some links:

Awful Plastic Surgery Pictures of celebrities who have had lots of really bad plastic surgery.

A five-year-old Territory girl shocked teachers when she showed her class how to make a bong out of a Coke bottle during a "show and tell" session.

Die Screaming with Sharp Things in Your Head I hate lawn gnomes.

This is pretty weird too: BBC News -- Car Stunt Shocks Newlyweds

Trouser Semaphore Now you too can use this revolutionary new form of communication. Be sure to check out the video of trouser semaphore in action.

The Bra Ball, and, in related news... Bay area artists battle over giant bra balls.

Kid's Pimp Costume This is just horrible. A kid that age shouldn't even know what a pimp is.

The David Blaine Assassination Game You really must keep playing until you win, the movie at the end when you when is hilarious.

Cars in South Africa are being equipped with a new form of theft-deterrent... Flame Throwers.

Bus Rollover Closes Part of I-94 I told my mom about this, and we both laughed our asses off. My mom said, "I guess God didn't like their singing."

I could post more, but that's it for tonight. I have to get up early tomorrow morning. I leave you with another quote:

"Meanwhile, in the dark, impenetrable void, Jean Paul Sartre was a movin and a groovin" -- Crow, Catalina Caper, MST3K